i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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