im having a threesome with these popsicles
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
