I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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