i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
