I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize