I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
