why didn't you poke me back
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize