i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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