Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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