i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize