If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
