You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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