it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
