Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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