Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
