My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
