oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
