i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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