i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
