Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize