Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
