my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
