Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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