So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
