She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
