I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
