Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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