1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
