Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
