Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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