dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
