"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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