I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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