Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
