Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
