i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
