So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
