Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
