This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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