I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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