Hey man sorry I got all grabby
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
