i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize