Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
