batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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