my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
