My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
