I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
