the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
