I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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