After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize