Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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