Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
