this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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