I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
