Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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