....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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