What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She is in my trunk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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