uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
