maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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