Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i've created a new STD.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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