I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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