I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
