Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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